Internal Review: The Way of Shadows by Brent Weeks

Title: The Way of Shadows (Night Angel #1)
Author: Brent Weeks
Narrator: Paul Boehmer
Publisher: Orbit & Tantor Media
Acquired Via: Personal Collection
Release Date: October 1, 2008
For Durzo Blint, assassination is an art-and he is the city's most accomplished artist.

For Azoth, survival is precarious. Something you never take for granted. As a guild rat, he's grown up in the slums, and learned to judge people quickly - and to take risks. Risks like apprenticing himself to Durzo Blint.

But to be accepted, Azoth must turn his back on his old life and embrace a new identity and name. As Kylar Stern, he must learn to navigate the assassins' world of dangerous politics and strange magics - and cultivate a flair for death.

My Review

Me: Once upon a time, there was a girl who was terrible about reviewing books. She was even terrible about books that she loved, like The Way of Shadows by Brent Weeks.

Myself: Are we going to do this today?

Me: Now, this girl will rave about The Way of Shadows to all of her library patrons and has ordered it for several of them, but she still can't be arsed to post a review on her blog.

Myself: Very funny.

Me: The girl, who insists upon hand-writing out reviews first, even wrote down a lot of notes in addition to her review of The Way of Shadows, but eventually lost that notebook because IT SAT AROUND FOR SO LONG.

Myself: *sigh* Here we go...

Internal Review: The Testing by Joelle Charbonneau

Title: The Testing
Author: Joelle Charbonneau
Publisher: Houghton Mifflin Books for Children
Acquired Via: Publisher
Release Date: June 4, 2013
It’s graduation day for sixteen-year-old Malencia Vale, and the entire Five Lakes Colony (the former Great Lakes) is celebrating. All Cia can think about—hope for—is whether she’ll be chosen for The Testing, a United Commonwealth program that selects the best and brightest new graduates to become possible leaders of the slowly revitalizing post-war civilization. When Cia is chosen, her father finally tells her about his own nightmarish half-memories of The Testing. Armed with his dire warnings (”Cia, trust no one”), she bravely heads off to Tosu City, far away from friends and family, perhaps forever. Danger, romance—and sheer terror—await.

My Review

Me: We need to have a talk, don't we?

Myself: About?

Me: Oh, you know, how you read books and then don't review them.

Myself: I guess you better gear up for a long talk.

Me: That's no lie. What's taking so long on The Testing, though? This book was read in less than a day.

Myself: *shuffles feet*

Me: Did you not like it?

Myself: Oh no, I did like it! I have even been recommending it to people at the library, moms on Goodreads, strangers at the grocery store...

Me: Then where the hell is the review?

Internal Review: Stormdancer by Jay Kristoff

A DYING LAND

The Shima Imperium verges on the brink of environmental collapse; an island nation once rich in tradition and myth, now decimated by clockwork industrialization and the machine-worshipers of the Lotus Guild. The skies are red as blood, the land is choked with toxic pollution, and the great spirit animals that once roamed its wilds have departed forever.

AN IMPOSSIBLE QUEST

The hunters of Shima’s imperial court are charged by their Shōgun to capture a thunder tiger – a legendary creature, half-eagle, half-tiger. But any fool knows the beasts have been extinct for more than a century, and the price of failing the Shōgun is death.

A HIDDEN GIFT

Yukiko is a child of the Fox clan, possessed of a talent that if discovered, would see her executed by the Lotus Guild. Accompanying her father on the Shōgun’s hunt, she finds herself stranded: a young woman alone in Shima’s last wilderness, with only a furious, crippled thunder tiger for company. Even though she can hear his thoughts, even though she saved his life, all she knows for certain is he’d rather see her dead than help her.

But together, the pair will form an indomitable friendship, and rise to challenge the might of an empire.

Title: Stormdancer
Author: Jay Kristoff
Publisher: Thomas Dunne Books
Acquired Via: Personal Collection
Release Date: September 18, 2012
My Review

Me: Well, well, well, you FINALLY read Stormdancer.

Myself: You knew that I would! I just had to get around to it.

Me: Oh, please, you're the biggest procrastinator ever!

Myself: Whatever, I read the book, marveled at the epic world-building, basked in my crush on Yukiko, and cried like a bitch at the end.

Book Thoughts: An Internal Dialogue About Stormdancer

Me: Hey, Kayla, didn't you read Stormdancer by Jay Kristoff last year?

Myself: Umm... Hey! I ordered that book sometime in 2011 (I think) before it had any cover art. I appealed to all the Powers to get an ARC, but was unsuccessful. Did you know that Kevin Hearne, one of my nerd idols, said that the book was awesome? I bought the book on his recommendation alone!

Me: Yeah, I know all of that already. We're the same person, remember? But didn't you grab it and start reading it as soon as it came out?!

Myself: Yep, I sure did! It had some of the most beautifully crafted world-building that I've ever encountered in a novel. I have absolutely no idea why it is even classified as YA except that Yukiko is a teen. I think it has to do with marketing, but I think the YA tag may turn off some adult readers that haven't jumped on the bandwagon yet. It should be classified as "AWESOME" and leave it as that.

Me: I agree completely. How long did it take you to finish it?

Myself: Have you SEEN the cover art for Kinslayer?!


Me: Oh yeah, it is totally badass, though Cuddlebuggery's reveal kind of made it awkward to look at. I think it's the veins on the sea creatures neck.

Myself: *stares at the cover* Yeah... But seriously, I have a crush on these covers. There is just so much badassery going on that it's almost painful to look at the cover. I think I'd switch teams for Yukiko if I wasn't afraid that she'd kick my ass!

Me: Yes, she would totally kick your ass. I'm sorry to interrupt your rambling, but when did you finish READING Stormdancer?

Myself: *glares*

Me: *waits*

Myself: *glares*

Me: OMG! You didn't finish reading it?!

Myself: You know what, you're just some crazy figment of my imagination that is OUT TO GET ME!

Me: Bahahaha! You totally didn't finish the book! You fantard so hard over Jay Kristoff, but you didn't even read the @$%^&!* book! Kayla, seriously, what the hell is going on with you?!

Myself: See, what had happened was—

Me: *groans*

Myself: Fine! I was working three jobs, juggling review copies, and it kind of ended up back on the shelf. It happens!

Me: You know what, you suck just a little bit. You know damn good and well that Stormdancer was primed up to be the best thing you read last year. What's really going on?

Myself: *shuffles feet*

Me: Spill it!

Myself: Okay, okay! I don't want to cry.

Me: You don't want to cry?

Myself: Yeah, I don't want to cry.

Me: Why would you cry?

Myself: Well, everyone seems to have it on these "made-me-cry" shelves on Goodreads. And even Jay says in his "About Me" section states that he doesn't believe in happy endings.

Me: Do you want to know what I think?

Myself: No.

Me: I'm going to tell you anyway.

Myself: I figured that.

Me: Just go read the damn book.

Myself: Ha! I one-upped you there! I bought the audiobook on Audible, and I've been listening to it. I'm taking my hardcover with me on vacation so I can read in the car. So neener neener neener!

Me: How about you stop talking to yourself now? Everyone is going to think you're crazier than what they already do.

Myself: Actually, you're the one who started it.

Me: Touché.