Thursday, April 5, 2012

E is for Erotica



While I find nothing written below to lewd or inappropriate, please do not click "Read More" unless you are mature (or a facsimile thereof, like myself).

Oh, erotica. What ever am I going to do with you? I cannot read you without getting a fit of the giggles. I even put that in my Review Policy. Most of your "heroes" that I have read about make me think of Ceiling Cat. Creepy. Watching. Waiting to pounce.



And when your hero's "manhood" is described, this is the mental image I get:



We all know that it really isn't that big, and if it was, that heroine would be in intensive care. If not, *shudders* she can have him. 

In all seriousness, there have been few that had a story line that did not center on the sex that I have been interested in reading. I read all genres, but it takes quite a few recommendations from people that I trust for me to read erotica. I'm not a big fan of romance-centered books, and those focusing on sex alone are even worse. I have nothing against it - I think it is a wonderful way for readers to explore weird fantasies in a safe environment. Or get ideas. Whatever. More power to you if it is for you. For me though, I will laugh at the first few scenes (they are over the top, for the most part), and then I'm bored.

However, when I was taking night classes, I did listen to erotica audiobooks on the nights I was especially tired. I knew that I would be guaranteed a great deal of belly laughs, and I always get to yell - at least once - to the heroine, "Uh oh, he's looking at you! He's gonna get youuuuuuuuu!"

And anytime an author uses the word "sheath"? I die. No exceptions. Forever.

How about one more lolcat just for fun? :-D



12 comments:

  1. Oh this is awesome! Now I want to read something. I'm tired and could use a laugh. I will never think of the word sheath again without grinning. Too bad I read a LOT of PNR/UF where they do put their swords in sheathes no pun intended! Well, not really.

    Great post for "E."

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    1. I have a specific author that I go to for the terrible, awkward laughs. The books are well-written, but the sex is so pervy to me. And sheathe... I have sooooo many stories because of that tiny little word. I think it's why I read UF and mostly avoid PNR! lol

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  2. PAHA! I don't read erotica for the same reasons- it is silly, often badly written and cringes me out! So true about the predatory men! I hate it when they describe smells and...moisture. AHH! I have one erotic book kindof...'Lost Girls' by Alan Moore which is an erotic graphic novel which I did really like but I always feel paranoid in case my parents pick it up by accident! x

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    1. I don't think it's all bad, but even the well-written stuff cracks me up. I know there is quite a bit of the genre that are damn fine novels in their own rights. I don't think it really counts as erotica (but is as far as I can go!), but I love Jacqueline Carey's Kushiel novels! I haven't read the third trilogy set in that world, but I own the first two. :-)

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  3. I would love to read to ones you read! Sound hilarious. Great photos btw
    I like reading the blogs, much more thought out than books made for sales rather than content

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    1. They're probably only hilarious because I have the maturity of an eleven year old boy when it comes to sexy time in print. Or movies. I used to host a Tuesday night sex ed class at a bar (it was great fun, but don't ask!), but I can't read a book that uses the word "sheathe" or "member" without cracking up. Go figure!

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  4. Your mental image when the hero's "manhood" is described is hilarious!

    It seems there are certain -expected conventions-, at least in the basic erotica genre, that being one of them (another being top-heavy women no matter how skinny they might be) which does seem to reduce much of the writing to "assemble the expected set of conventions, shake and serve".

    Still, at least you have a sure-fire go-to genre when you need a laugh, no?

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    1. I do indeed! Christine Feehan had a skinny, flat(ish) character in one of her Carpathian novels, but that's the only one I can think of right off. I don't even know if it counts as erotica, but it should!

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  5. The brazillion was the best! I'll admit some part of erotica are hilarious. This would actually make a fun blogfest - Write a rip-roaring sex scene! LOL!

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    1. That would be fun! We should look into doing that. :-D

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  6. LOL. Oh my goodness, that was hilarious. I just read a YA book, A Beautiful Dark, and the boys in it were totally like ceiling cat. Gross!

    The language in romance novels does always make me laugh hysterically. I don't read them too often anymore, but, when I do, I laugh out loud CONSTANTLY. Yet another reason not to read one in public.

    The last hysterical thing I read was during a sexy scene the dude character was like "from now on, when we have sex, you will all me by this nickname." He nicknamed himself. Loled forever.

    Manhood is also a funny word.

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  7. Oh what a fantastic usage for lol-catz! I've never read erotica for one reason - seeing a comedy sketch about throbbing manhoods and sweet flowers. I'm scared I'd pee myself with laughter!

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You are going to put words in my box?! *squeezes you* Now I shall stalk YOUR blog!